Before I say anything else, let me begin by making sure you understand that I love Scott. He is my soulmate, my best friend and an amazing father to our two children. He is so many wonderful things that are too numerous to list. That said, he is also a sucker. He has such a kind heart and will fall for any hard luck story told by even the least convincing con artist. Which brings me to his most recent encounter with the last con artist… Scott just bought a new car. Oh, wait, calling it a “new” car is a major misrepresentation of what this piece of junk on four balding tires really is. It’s a car that some lucky person managed to easily get rid of just by meeting my husband.
Here’s a little background information. My husband has a truck that is very bad with gas mileage and isn’t in the best shape. In fact, it’s also a piece of junk. It has no A/C, the driver’s side window may or may not slide back up into the closed position should you dare to open the window to avoid baking to death in the summer heat due to the lack of A/C. The gear shift bar doesn’t always tell the truth about what gear you’re in and we won’t even go into the kind of gymnastics one has to do just to get the key in the ignition. This truck was Scott’s previous purchase from a mechanic who said the original owner of the truck decided it was not worth fixing. Scott, ever the optimist, saw the potential in the truck and purchased it. Hence, the reason he then started looking for a car once he realized the true value of having such a unique truck.
Scott was doing a construction job in Knoxville one day (over 3 hours away from our house) and came home that night to declare he had purchased a car. The owner of the house was selling this car and it was good deal. The car was good on mileage and just needed a little “cosmetic” work. A red flag went up in my head but Scott was convinced this was the car for him.
The next day, my husband appeared in our driveway with what I can only describe as a car you would expect to see 8 or 9 circus clowns emerge from. My husband, who is not a small man, unfolded himself out of the car and presented his new bargain for my inspection.
The left side of the clown car looked ok other than the fact that I immediately noticed two tires that would require replacing because they looked as though they were rubber bands about to break. I should’ve stopped at that point though and not walked around to the right side of the car. That’s where I noticed the duct tape… lots of it. It was holding the front bumper on. It was also holding the plastic on the door frame. The plastic was being used as the passenger side window because there was no window. Not sure whether this was a step up or step down from his current truck’s window crisis. Was it better to have an actual window, even though it may not roll back up or was it better to have a sheet of plastic?
It was obvious from looking at the passenger side of the car that somebody had apparently hit a tree, telephone pole or the side of a concrete building and then kept going until the entire right side of the car was scraped and damaged.
I would love to tell you how much my husband spent on this clown car but I feel it would risk causing every con artist on the planet to zero in on Scott. Let’s just say that I’m sure he could’ve gotten a decent car that had a working window and a front bumper that didn’t require duct tape, for about half the price.
Scott loves his car so I’m happy for him. He parks it way up at the top of the driveway, behind his truck in an effort to prevent me from seeing it when I’m standing at the kitchen window. I may not see it but there’s no mistaking the fact that we have a clown car in our driveway.
I have instructed Scott that our children will never be allowed to ride in the clown car and he is never to expect me to get into it. I may not be crazy about my minivan but at least it has working windows and an average size person can ride in it without having to sit with their knees up their nose.
The one bright side of all this is that if the construction business stars to spiral down again, Scott has a future at the circus.